Blueberry Smell-o-Vision, AR Popcorn Buckets, and In-Lobby Pickleball Won’t Make Moviegoing Great Again

Back in 2017, the renowned French actress Isabelle Huppert was asked during a junket interview about her favorite movie snack. “NO snack!” Huppert replied, formidable as always. “No drink. No food. No noise!” (Come on. Can you really picture Isabelle Huppert rolling up to le cinéma and going to town on a box of nachos and a blue Icee?)

That video comes to mind often these days, as movie theaters and studios continue to announce new stunts that fill me with the same quiet disdain as Huppert in that clip. Smell-o-vision. Increasingly grotesque popcorn buckets. Zip lines. Imagine telling Isabelle Huppert about the zip lines.

The most recent comes via A24. Select screenings of their buzzy new horror film Heretic, starring Hugh Grant, will feature something nobody has ever asked for: the piped-in smell of blueberry pie filling the theater during a blueberry-pie-related moment onscreen.

“When we first heard A24’s bold idea to resurrect the multi-sensory experience to underline this crucial sequence it made us howl with laughter,” directors Scott Beck and Bryan Woods told Variety. “We’re so excited that audiences have this unique opportunity to be immersed in the world of the film.”

Oh, for sure. I know this sounds hypocritical coming from the star of Megalopolis’s live component, but I’d argue going to the movies is already a multi-sensory experience. Seeing and hearing the movie is good enough.

Gimmicks have existed to get butts in seats pretty much since the beginning of cinema. And 4DX—with vibration, fog, wind effects, and so on—has also been around for years now. As we’ve argued in GQ, it may very well be the ideal way to see a blockbuster like, say, Twisters. But it’s not heartening to see the creep across genres, aided by an obvious thirst to create the next viral thing. Me, personally? I don’t need to get Giardia from being in the splash zone for Gladiator II.

Speaking of Gladiator II, it’s at the forefront of the battle—against the Alien: Romulus specimen container and the infamous Dune sandworm—to create the most unnecessarily ostentatious collectible popcorn bucket. On top of the previously-announced MF Doom tub, another option will be shaped like the Colosseum that allows you to scan a QR code and watch a buttery-scented battle take place inside. (I will remember this plastic production when I’m blogging from my floating office in Underwater Manhattan.)

People still aren’t going to the movies like they used to. It’s expensive. There’s streaming at home. Also, audiences stopped knowing how to behave at the movies—what’s the point of paying at least $20 per ticket and then messing around on TikTok for the entire time you’re at the movie? In response to this, theater owners have resorted to trying to lure people in with everything but, uh, the actual movies. Take this report from Variety on a $2 billion plan to upgrade screens across the country, including pickleball courts and, yes, ziplining.

My favorite movie theater is pretty much the antithesis of all this. The programming is thoughtful. The popcorn kind of sucks. At a screening of Drive My Car, someone’s phone went off twice and I thought there was going to be an actual riot. Come to think of it, maybe that’s the multi-sensory experience theaters need to invest in—septuagenarians who’ll tell you when to shut the hell up.